How Good is the Remaining One?

We met with the surgeon this past week to find out what the options are. There really aren't any. He recommended a full mastectomy of the left side. I was hoping for a lumpectomy but he would have to remove too much tissue which would pretty much be a mastectomy anyway.

I didn't really hear much past the words "full mastectomy" so my husband had to repeat what was said. He had better questions than I did. Sometimes the brain goes blank when you get disappointing news.

Doctor tells me six months after radiation can start looking at reconstruction options. The plastic surgeon will match the other side. Ummm...I'd rather he did a better job than THAT! He'd have to be a pretty bad surgeon to MATCH that one. When things like that are mentioned my mind goes to the scene from Shallow Hal. He's asked if he'd rather date a girl with half a brain or one breast. He pauses and asks, "How good is the remaining breast?"

After sleeping on that news, I realized the next morning that I'm more upset about losing my hair, my eyelashes, and my fingernails than I am about losing a breast. We are such vain beings. Well, maybe it's just me.

My hair is growing back. It's still very short. Like a really short buzz cut. And the patches of gray look like bald spots. I've been told it comes back curly at first...but mine is growing straight out of my head. No curl. My mother used to tell me a poem when I was little...."There once was a girl, who had a curl, right in the middle of her forehead, When she was good, She was very very good, But when she was bad, She was horrid." So I guess if I don't have a curl I'm not horrid....??

I have six weeks to build up strength for the surgery. I've been walking 20 minutes a day. Which is really about all I can do. Amazing how fast you can get out of shape. Damon and I were up to 4 miles last summer. I'm lucky to go around the big block in my neighborhood. There is a tree on the Steamboat Trail. It's a very large pine tree and the only one like it. When we first started walking last year it was my goal to get to that tree. We passed it by 2 miles last year...it will be my goal to get there again.

I'm impatient to be over all of this. I want it done and out of the way so I can get back to my life.

Keep the Faith